"I've Lost Me Luggage"
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K.Airportand wandered around the terminal with
tears streaming down his cheeks.
An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
"No," replied the Irishman. "I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
"Water to Wine"
An Irish priest is driving down to New Yorkand gets stopped for speeding
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an
empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could
buy him a drink.
"Why, of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have
another round to Ireland."
"Of course," says the second. Curious, the first asks: "Where in
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it, Me too! Lets have another round of drinks to Dublin"
"Of course" The second man can't help himself so he asks, "What school did
"Saint Mary's", replies the first man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is becoming unbelievable!!!" They say in union.
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's up?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replied the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk
Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel
across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said,
"Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said,
"Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation
Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen
said, "What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be quite ill."
"Lost at Sea"
Two Irishmen, Patrick &Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a
dramatic escape from a burning freighter.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an
old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp
To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie,
however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard
Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the
entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the
entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on
the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their
Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now
we're going to have to pee in the boat."